story of getting hitched...

They say there is a first time for everything- missing your bus to get somewhere, forgetting the most important thing when travelling, tasting new dishes. Well, there's also the first time you fall for someone, hard and fast.

Weddings, ah...seen it everywhere- in the family, among friends; but when it happens to you, well, let's just say you'll never see your feet leave the ground. Mine was an arranged marriage and I must say, it was a totally amazing experience. No matter how much you tease your elder cousins or siblings at their weddings, when it comes to yours the story is altogether different. Not just because it's your turn to be teased, its the whole experience of it, the way it feels like you can't be touched by anything negative. Just pure unadulterated happiness. The one day that's yours and truly yours.

Having gone through the experience recently, I must say it was quite a bucket load of memories. And having to share all of this with someone special makes them even more memorable. From the beginning to the end of it, you are pampered by everybody. It's a total package.

The constant activity is one of the most beautiful memories of a wedding. Though months of hard work went into the two days of the wedding, though you are so tired to even talk to everybody around you, though you have to get ready in really fast (in sarees no less), though the photographer tells you to smile constantly (so much that your jaw hurts), it's all worth it in the end.

Speaking of weddings, there is a lot to be said about the iyer tambram weddings. Though I've seen a lot of them before, they all seem to some unique aspect about them. All the rituals we've got in our weddings are just incomparable to the others and beautifully crafted by our ancestors. Each of the rituals has a meaning and when believed so strongly by everybody around you, it becomes imbibed in you as well.

Best of all is the joy that spreads through you when you realize you can share all the happiness with someone new, someone who will always be there, someone you adore and who just went through the entire non stop rituals of the last two days with you, for you.

There's a big difference between falling in love with someone and falling in love with someone and getting married. Usually, after you get married, you fall in love with the person even more. 

                                                                                                                       Dave Grohl

It doesn't take long for a kid to become a teenager, takes the teenager even longer to take on responsibilities of an adult, but what takes the longest time is the acceptance of taking the responsibility of each other after the wedding. Some say this is automatic and comes naturally, but to be prepared for this mentally is not very easy. But it does get easier when you have that special bond with your spouse.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
                                                                                                             Robert A. Heinlein

  

as it once was...animals with feelings

One of the best memories for me as a child was to visit or to be visited by my grandma(sweetly nicknamed Amamma by us). Every visit to be full of fun and games, sometimes it included all my whole family- seems like a life time ago now. She gave us(her grandchildren) a hobby- to collect pictures of all the animals and birds from newspapers and magazines and stick them in a book. It was a competition of sorts, one who manages to collect most pictures got a prize. This went on for quite a few years but as always, most of us lost the urge for the prize and moved on. I did too but I had discovered something from this little hobby of mine- I was in love with wildlife. Animals fascinated me, their way of life, behavior pattern, their defense mechanism- everything about them did.

Honestly speaking, I didn't realize that I loved wildlife at that point of time. Oh sure, I used to watch animal planet every living moment, used to admire the photos of animals on newspapers for a long time but I just thought it was natural to be curious about other creatures as any child would probably be. I had a particular liking for snakes. I know it seems creepy to most people but I only see them as the most misunderstood creatures. Snakes have adapted themselves amazingly to all the weather and terrain conditions of earth. As have most of the other animals on earth. I loved visiting zoos, national parks and bird sanctuaries. I had to literally be dragged away from most cages. They were all so fascinating, so beautiful. I could never even imagine anyone wanting to hurt these magnificent creatures but I was obviously in my fantasy world.

It was only a few years later, that I realized how mistaken I was. It was quite a shock. Animals are killed for their hide, claws, teeth, tusk...it's a never ending list. Worse, even if they escape being killed some are abused so badly in the name of human needs- domestic animals like hens and pigs given steroids to make them fatter, beating up of dogs to make them realize humans are masters, using them as testers for most of human cosmetics...How fair can this be?? They might not be the most evolved or most beautiful of creatures but they have every right to live on earth as much as we do. Now, my personal view does not extend to man eating tigers or disease spreading insects but there has to be a balance- that's how mother nature gave it to us.

As an Indian Hindu, we believe most animals are a form of god and worship them. Maybe this protects these animals to an extent here in India but there is news every other day of poaching here also. Why can't we live in peace with fellows creatures? Does it make us look inferior? When we can accept animals with feeling in stories and animated movies why not the real life?Maybe they don't talk any language known to humans as in cartoons but they do talk and feel pain as humans do. Being a vegetarian (by chance not choice), I was pretty happy that I wasn't hurting any creature. Even if I had had a choice I couldn't bear hurting other animals for my selfish needs.

“The question is not, "Can they reason?" nor, "Can they talk?" but "Can they suffer?” 

― Jeremy Bentham 

“I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men.” 

― Leonardo da Vinci 

I try to discourage most of people I know from using leather or ivory products. It just doesn't feel right now, does it? I know evolution says " Survival of the fittest" but that does not mean we are the masters or royalty compared to animals. Look at the facts, we have taken everything from these animals- their home, their food, their freedom, their lives in some cases.

“I am in favor of animal rights as well as human rights. That is the way of a whole human being.”

 ― Abraham Lincoln

My views on animal rights have always been pretty forceful. Once I had to pick a topic in college to give a speech on anything that moved me and my obvious choice was animal rights and wildlife protection. By the time I finished my speech I was exhilarated to point of bursting. I had pretty good round of applause and my classmates then on sometimes referred to as an "Animal Lover". Animals are so much more easy to comprehend than humans sometimes.

“Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” 

― Steve Irwin

Don't watch the following videos if you have a light heart or stomach, it contains pretty cruel ways of how much we abuse the power of being the most evolved. But do watch them if you have any love for animals at all.
               
                          http://www.peta.org/features/10-shocking-peta-videos.aspx

It took me a while to realize that a lot of global issues we have now- global warming, air pollution, growing number of diseases- are all related to each other and the root cause of it is the human beings unending selfishness. In conclusion I would just like to request everybody to stop buying leather or ivory products for a start. Only if there is demand will the poaching happen and if there isn't, these animals might just have a chance to live. It's a start.

We have not inherited our earth from our forefathers, we have borrowed it from our future generation of children. If not in the same condition, it's our responsibility to give it to them in the same state as it was given to us. 

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.” 
― John Lennon

                                                     PEACE ON EARTH

Fantasy Vs. Reality

All of us grew up with some or the other story from our childhood- the fairy tales of prince and princesses or the action filled stories of heroes destroying villains. Even if years have passed by, these stories do exist in our minds- in some dark corner, just waiting to be recollected. Some of us just remember the morals of these stories and some the magic of them being told. Story telling is quite an art that ought to be appreciated; it could be via novels, movies, comics or just plain oration.

No matter how old we grow, there comes a time often in life- everyday to some, where we just want to forget everything that's happening in our real life, all the pressures of daily life. Some might prefer watching TV and relaxing while others might enjoy a good solid nap. As for me, I prefer getting into a whole other world, the one in my mind where I can experience nothing but bliss. This is where our fantasy world comes in- a world where a person can be anyone they want to be, a world of your dreams, a world so created just for you. Am not talking just about a fantasy world here, am talking about the freedom that goes with it.

Now, just to be clear I know where to draw the line between reality and fantasy. I don't live in a fantasy world either but I can't help thinking how imagine-native and free it would be to live in such a world. I feel an attraction (for the lack of a better word) to some of the stories because I know that most stories have a happy ending and that this is only possible in fiction. Many of the concepts that we like about fiction- the drama, suspense, romance are sometimes only possible in the stories we read and see. Most of us do go through these emotions in daily life too but it's only in these fictitious stories that we find fulfillment rather than real life.

I, for one, am a huge, obsessive fan of certain stories which most people consider childish. But no matter how old I get the magic of these stories never fade from my mind. If people think you have childish tastes, well, let them think so. At least you admit that you have an inner child and never allow that child to fade away. We have to be an adult when the times call for it of-course, but our inner child ought to take the reins now and then- it keeps us more alive.

I recently came across a picture on a social website. It had a young boy walking next to a wall in semi-darkness and his shadow on the wall but in the shadow he appeared to be holding a sword and defending himself from a flying dragon. The caption to go with this picture was " My life is so much more interesting in my imagination". This picture is the true depiction of most of us want to see our lives. Living in the fantasy world is not always crazy, it's a kind of freedom which gives us so much happiness and strength.

One of my favorite quotes from the Pirates of Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is,

Jack Sparrow: When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time.

Elizabeth: And you'll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main.

Jack Sparrow: Not just the Spanish Main, love. The entire ocean. The entire wo'ld. Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom.

To echo Captain Sparrow's words, to live in the world of fantasy, is true freedom. It could be any world  you choose it to be- it could be the magical world of Harry Potter or Narnia, it could be the colorful and capturing world of the various comics of which Sheldon Cooper is a huge fan , it could be the fantasy world full of good pirates as the Pirates of Caribbean, it could be the fun filled world of Friends, it could be the amazing world of Lord of the rings or the mysterious world paranormal. These are some of the worlds I've mentioned but there are thousand's more out there. There has to be some or the other kind of fantasy that captures everybody's attention.

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” 
― Albert Einstein

In conclusion, I would like to say that all of us have an inner child that relates to fantasy and as we grow old most of us forget or ignore this part of us. One should never let go of this feeling of inner child and try to give it a free rein once in a while in daily life, rather than have a rigid control over everything you do. Being an adult tends to take a toll on most of us, it affects everything we think and do. To lose yourself in these fantasy worlds and let go freshens you up and helps to relax you.

Reading about fiction not only helps in making you smarter, but helps you to improve your imagination and creativity as well. Watching fantasy movies or animation makes you want to get into that world but it also takes you back to your childhood memories.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” 

To Change Or Not To Change

When we talk about any country progressing, we mean every aspect of it- technology, infrastructure, fashion etc. A new topic has been added to this list in the recent years- culture.

I recently came across a short movie which depicts the life of an Indian child who grows up in America following their customs and rituals. This little boy has no idea about his ancestry or his country- he even refuses to talk in the Indian language spoken at home though he understands it, as it's insisted that he speaks in English at his school. In the fast forward of the movie, the little boys grows up to marry another Indian based American and they are blessed with a son. This little boy has a project at school where he needs to talk about his ancestry. His parents are dumbstruck for a while as they themselves do not know much about India. It takes a long time for the father to even remember his grandfather's name and the name of the language that they used to speak. The basic point of the movie was to point out that the Indians in other countries do not give much importance to their languages and culture.

I wouldn't say there is much of a change when it comes to people living in India either. Some of the people do insist on talking in their language. But most schools here insist on children speaking in English and they do give little or no importance to the native languages. Most schools even have an option to study the foreign languages. The only difference is that they study about their history in schools than another country's.

Now none of this is wrong now, is it?We are at the stage where "The most constant thing in life is change".
The present generation is in such a confused state of mind that no one can say if the rules and culture we are following is originated from our own ancestry or influenced from the exposure to the western world through books and movies.

What I am trying to point out is that most of us are being torn apart in every way,in every aspect of life.
Should we follow our dreams as they seem to do so in the English movies or should we do what everyone tells us to do? Should we wear something a little westernized cloths to work places and functions or be ethnical as our ancestors used to?The question of weather to follow the old or new culture comes into everything we do now-from the food  we eat to the cloths we wear, from naming kids to decorating our rooms.

The result of all this?Create your own version for everything that confuses you. Yes, people will talk and Yes, you've no real answer for them other than asserting your independence and blame it on the generation gap. But the truth be told, we have no choice. You want to be the good child that your parents are so proud of but you aren't happy at all or be the person you see in the western movies but be scorned at. The world always looks at you like there are the best critics of your life. So, go out there and be yourself. Thirty years down the road you do not want to someone unhappy-who was too scared to make a decision and is regretting it now.

Am not saying we should let go of our traditions or follow the western ones. No, not at all. All am saying is we should do what is right by us and not follow anything or anyone blindly as expected. The traditions that we have now weren't always like this. Anything you see around you has been evolved from what it was thousand's of years-since the beginning of civilization. So, basically we are already following the changed rules but we ought to keep the our old traditions as alive as we can.

"We want something new but cannot let go of the old - old ideas, beliefs, habits, even thoughts.   We are out of contact with our own genius. Sometimes we know we are stuck; sometimes we  don't. In both cases we have to DO something."

 In conclusion, I'd just like to say that we are generation that has a bit of everything. A bit of old and a bit of new, a bit of tradition and a bit of modernization, a bit of this and a bit of that. Don't let go of anything-your ancestry, your culture, the new modern age views. Go by your judgement, nobody else matters.

No matter of who thinks what, be proud of who you are. As they say, there's no one more superior or inferior to you. The world treats you as you treat the world. Always remember that the world is very fickle minded and won't remember you for long. 

I-M-PERFECT

Some of you would have read the title of this blog as "I am Perfect" and the others as "Imperfect". I honestly have no idea what that says about a person. Maybe it would mean something to those who read it.

Am not going to bore you with the psycho-analysis of "glass is half full or half empty"(mostly because I don't know anything about that sort of analysis). I have thought about this topic long and hard. I want to share my view with others. I might be wrong of-course, but I would still like you to read my views completely before forming an opinion about it.

I can't speak for everybody but what this blog says comes from my observation on myself and a few close friends.

Everybody has things or qualities about themselves that they either love or hate. Could be to do with their looks, their possessions, their jobs, their attitude towards others or their outlook on life. It's quite natural of-course. A person might hate a particular thing about themselves but it would seem that the others love the very same thing about that person-the vice versa of this could be true as well.

More often then not the phrase "Grass is greener on the other side" comes into play. In some ways this is a good situation as it would put them on the road to better themselves, but not so good in many other ways.

There are people who think they are super perfect. But in reality they are lying to themselves and the rest of the world. Everybody is prefect and imperfect in their own unique way. That's what makes each and every one of us so special. Sure, some people seem to be more admired than you are, some are more popular among friends than you are, but atleast you are being honest with yourself. You don't have to pretend to be someone perfect to get people to like you. Even if you do make friends this way there's no chance this kind of friendship could last for any amount of time. But if being honest makes loyal and true friends then that should be your option. If people are only friends with you because you are perfect then your life is better off without them.

Perfection is the most imperfect thing on earth. Don't waste your time trying to please others with something. They might be friendly at that instant of time but remember that you are taking all this effort to impress someone who might disapprove of the very thing that you changed for them. What am trying to say is once you change something to impress someone, you might have to change something or the other over and over again until your unique identity is lost amongst the lies you so carefully concocted.

Sometimes in some relations you do have to change certain things about yourselves but relationships works both ways. If you change something for family or friendship to sail more smoothly, make sure the other person change as much as well without both sides losing their identities.

Nobody is totally perfect. Everybody has their own quirks, that's what makes them so unique.
Habits like that annoying little voice you use when talking to some people or having a bulbous nose or having to look over somebody shoulder every-time  due to your shortness or that little extra weight you have been  carrying around are all part of it. What you find so annoying about yourself might be the very thing everybody around you admires in you, it's just that you refuse to accept the true beauty of the gift you have been given naturally. The best relations are those where you are accepted by the person just as you are without any change and with all your quirks intact.

"The sooner you accept that you are special and unique, the easier your life becomes."

"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself and  especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he/she really is.” 

You have been these particular features or qualities for a reason. Don't try to analyse the reason, but try to enjoy whatever life has given you. You have been given this life, it's a gift. Don't waste it trying to impress people around you. The world is fickle minded-you do something, they talk; you don't do something, they talk. Whatever happens, be honest with yourself. It's your life and you have the right to live it the way you want without being judged by anybody.

Am not saying that trying to be perfect is wrong, but not at the cost of hurting yourself and others in the process. Be yourself, love yourself just the way you are. You might not be perfect in the eyes of the world but the world, like I said is fickle minded and will forget you in seconds but true relations and friends won't and will last forever.